Arguing In A Relationship - The Unapparent Contributor

I know you've been there before. Your boyfriend didn't quite remember to take out the garbage when you asked him to, or maybe he left the toilet seat up again even after you have told him how much you despise when he does that. You've really let it get to you you this time. "I hate you," you yell! "You never do a single thing that I tell of you! If you really cared for me, you wouldn't just "forget" like that." Is that really the truth, though?

Two people in a relationship, no matter how compatible they are, will argue on occasion. Disagreements are quite natural, and can sometimes lead to growth in the relationship provided that the arguments are resolved to each partner's satisfaction. The problem, however, is that more often times than not, one partner chooses to settle even against his or her wishes, and one or both of them never reach a resolution that they are happy with.

Well, what are arguments really all about, exactly? Regardless of the real circumstances surrounding the difference of opinion, the true cause is almost always derived from you feeling like your opinions are not being taken seriously by your significant other. For example, when you think about it, most people have specific guidelines about how they should be treated by those around them, especially by those that "really" love them. When one of the rules has been broken, they want to be reassured that the violating idividual realizes that what they did upset them, and that is what the disagreement was truly all about.

This concept of predetermined guidelines can be hidden from view, especially in relatively new relationships. In the beginning, you don't know your new love interest that well yet, therefore you have no idea what your significant other's rules are. If you happen to violate one of their rules, then you may not even know only because it is purposely overlooked in order to maintain a good impression.

However, if fights are probably going to happen, then how do you go about resolving differences to the satisfaction of him and yourself? Well, you can start by being totally honest. You should express your feelings openly. For example, we'll say you and your partner had a difference of opionions about your partner being late home from work. You let his tardiness get to you, and tell him "if you really cared about me, you would make an effort here on time." Your partner, unfortunately for you, could defend himself by saying "if you really loved me, then you would be more understanding that I can't always be able to be on time."

In this situation, the less obvious truth would unfortunately be that you were hurt by his lack of punctuality due to your own fear of not being as important as his other commitments. Had you told him how you felt at the time, your partner may have been much more likely to give you the attention that you were expecting. Then, the two of you could have light-heartedly discussed, instead of arguing about, the expectations that you each have on the subject of being on time.

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